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I Thought It Was Just Me book summary

I Thought It Was Just Me book cover

Key lessons

The 3 stages

  1. Awareness of shame
  2. Reacting to shame
  3. The role of anger
  • Recognise your triggers of shame. This is the first step to being able overcome shame.
  • There are no universal triggers of shame. This is personal to to everyone and dependent on past experiences.
  • Defining what shame means to you allows you to take a step closer to being more aware of yourself. This can help you over time to practice how you response to shame, rather than letting automatic non-helpful impulses take over.
  • The one antidote to shame is empathy.
  • Being able to relate with others who can empathise with what we're feeling, without judgement, helps us overcome our shame.
  • Be vulnerable with others and seek empathy. This may be the last thing you want to do because shame can trigger anger as an automatic emotional response.
    • Pointing the finger and blame at others that have caused us hurt gives us the illusion of control and helps us avoid confronting our own feelings.
    • Anger is not in itself negative - just don't use it to avoid / cover up deeper feelings.

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